2013: A Blog From The Future

It's the year 2013 and we have discovered how to send messages back through time via a nifty new iphone app but we still can't figure out how to get people health insurance in this country. If I've timed this whole thing right then you should be reading this soon after the Health Care Reform moves into the Senate. The current version of the bill, current meaning 2009, is a big sloppy wet dream for the insurance companies and it only gets worse from here on out. The public option is totally stripped and the mandate that people who cannot afford insurance purchase a private plan or face a fine stays in with a vengeance. Yes, the insurance companies are no longer able to refuse coverage based on preexisting conditions but premiums have gone through the roof to compensate. Plans are so expensive that the government's subsidies to help those who cannot afford insurance have done little more than help increase the profits of BlueCignEta, oh yeah I forgot to mention that in the future all health insurance is provided by one giant corporation which is a subsidiary of Halliburton which is now owned by Wal-Mart. Sound bad? You haven't heard anything yet. Voters in 2012 were so frustrated with Obama and the rest of the Democrats for bungling healthcare that they elected Sara Palin. In her campaign Palin promised to do away with Obamacare but once everything went to effect in early 2013 and she realized what a boon it was for the insurance industry she kept it! And it was Vice President Michelle Bachmann who came up with the idea of making it a federal crime to go uninsured. So now the prison population is overflowing, which is good for Wal-Mart since they own all the prisons, and poverty is at an all time high. We're also in a full fledged war with, no not Iran, Canada! It's a really long story that I can't get into now but it all started with the bacon shortage of 2011 and then things got really out of hand.

So as you can see things are really bad. But there is hope. With the help of my rag tag band of friends here in the future we've managed to trace everything back to the one moment in time when everything turned sour and it's right now. This very moment as you read this our elected leaders are putting the finishing touches on the future of our health care system and if you want to avoid the dystopian society that I currently live in you have to let them know you are not ok with the way things are going. First of all things are taking too long. We need health care reform now, not in 2013, now! We managed to bail out the banks in a weekend I think we can in act at least some kind of meaningful healthcare reform in less than four years. Secondly, the provision to fine people who cannot afford healthcare is asinine and should be removed. Lastly, we need a public option, which would cancel out the formerly mentioned fines. So tell it to your elected leaders, tell it to your friends, tell it to your family and anyone else who will listen or doesn't want to listen and save the future! And for God's sake please start conserving your bacon!

Hey America, SODA IS NOT A STAPLE!

The airwaves have been bombarded as of late with and ad from Americans Against Food Taxes that warns of Washington's secret evil plan to tax us on the sugar laden goo we pour down our collective fat ass diabetic throats everyday. The commercial is narrated by a struggling single mother who is "counting pennies," but apparently not calories, to get through this economy. The proposed soda tax is a measure to fund health care reform and curb America's growing-pun intended-obesity epidemic. The plan for a penny per ounce tax on soda and other sugary beverages could raise as much as $150 billion annually over the next ten years but to our struggling mom in the ad from AAGT, a front group for the soda industry, those "pennies add up" when your trying to feed your roly-poly family! The average American drinks 50 gallons of sugared beverages annually, that's the average American, I'm pretty sure I've seen people walking out of Quick Trip with a 50 gallon fountain drink just to hold them over until lunch. So what's the consequence of slurping down all that sugary slime? Besides thousands of dollars wasted, there's the fact that soda has absolutely no nutritional value at all and that a high consumption of sugary beverages has been linked not only to obesity and diabetes, but to kidney disease and osteoporosis.

But the big beverage companies complain that it's unfair to pick on soda when there are so many other factors that contribute to America's miserable health. And in a strategy straight out of the big tobacco playbook, big soda is claiming that a beverage tax would disproportionately affect the poor; when in fact the poor tend to suffer from ailments brought on by heavy amounts of sugar, such as diabetes, and would benefit the most from programs, like universal health care, that could be at least be partially funded through revenue generated from a soda tax. As for the "other factors" that contribute to our deteriorating health? We already tax booze, cigarettes, and even porn for some reason (though I have discovered through my own tireless research that pornography is actually beneficial to ones health) and soda is not any different from those afore mentioned vices (with the exception of porn of course) in that it has no nutritional value. We need to start putting soda and all the other crap that passes for food these days into the same category as alcohol and tobacco. Is the super-sized extra value double bypass cheeseburger meal as bad as a pack of smokes? Probably not, but it's definitely in the same ball park and if paying a few extra CENTS for the vices we all love, and should only indulge in occasionally, can encourage us to eat better and pay for beneficial social programs such as universal health care, I say bring it on. And to all my paranoid friends out there: a soda tax is not Big Brother coming after our food supply, soda is NOT food anyway, but that's not what Big Soda and their front groups would have you believe. And to all my fiscally conservative friends out there who want REAL CHANGE: if you want change sometimes you have to pay for it, literally. So America don't be fooled by these corporate pricks, they're not interested in saving you money only they're bottom line. And stop wining about the cost of your favorite corn syrup loaded treat. It won't kill you to drink a glass of water every now and then but that Big Gulp just might.

An Hour with Glenn Beck

On Monday September 21, 2009

I forced myself to watch an entire episode

of Glenn Beck.

Here's, more or less, what happened:

First things first, if I'm going to get through this I need to be in the right frame of mind. That's why I've got a fifth of Canadian whisky. I've also unplugged my DVR because if I give myself the ability to pause the program I'll never get through this and I figure I'm going to need those commercial breaks to cleanse my palette of Beck. When five o'clock rolls around I pour myself a glass of Crown and ready myself for the insanity. The theme of the show today is "President Obama in His Own Words" an exclusive with Glenn Beck. Wait I haven't drank nearly enough whisky to hear something that crazy! The President is going to be on Beck's show? Well, it could be true, he did make one hell of a blitz on the Sunday programs this week and he is trying to win over that special breed of people that actually enjoy Glenn's show. But then Beck let's me and the rest of the viewers in on the joke; President Obama will not in fact be on the show. Instead Glenn will be playing a bunch of clips of Obama and then giving his take on them. Well Goddamn it that's not an exclusive! Isn't that what all these pundit shows do every night? I'm not even five minutes into this thing and Beck has already pissed me off! But that's what I got the booze for. So I pour another glass of whisky and try to relax.

Next Glenn unveils a bizarre looking flow chart on a chalk board which seems to indicate an Axis of Evil between the Organizations of SOROS, TIDES, Health Care for Americans Now, The Apollo Alliance, SEIU, and of course the notorious ACORN group. Now I don't know a lot about these groups but from what Glenn Beck is telling me, and mind you I'm heavily into the Crown by now, they are apparently working together on a secret evil plan to ram a single payer health care system down our throats! I knew those bastards were up to something and I'm sure ACORN wants to work in a brothel for teenage girls as well. At least they'll have good health care, but I digress, next comes one of Glenn's favorites: the Czars! Many of the so called Czars have worked with some of the afore mentioned groups, and I say so called Czars because the title of Czar does not actually apply to two of Beck's targets in this segment; former Green Jobs Czar Van Jones and FCC Czar Mark Lloyd. Van Jones' job description was that of Special Advisor to the White House Council on Environmental Quality and Mark Lloyd's official title at the FCC is Associate General Counsel and Chief Diversity Officer. Glenn just likes to throw around words like "Czar" to scare the shit out of his viewers into believing that President Obama is trying to turn our country into something resembling a love child between Soviet Russia and Nazi Germany. But I'm getting off track again. What Beck is trying to get across here is that there is a very cozy relationship between organizations such as the Apollo Alliance, whom Van Jones' served on, and the Czars. To really drive home his point Glenn plays a few clips of the evil Czars and the President using words like "Re-distribute" and "Wealth" in the same sentence and it immediately comes apparent to me and the rest of the audience that these fuckers are trying to indoctrinate the nation with socialism! The worst "Ism" of them all! Thank God a commercial drink, I mean break.

If there's anything more creepy than Beck and his program, it's his sponsors. I've had quite a bit to drink by now, in fact I'm watching the TV with one eye closed just to keep from seeing double, but I swear I just saw a commercial with G. Gordon Liddy trying to get me to invest in gold! I never thought I could be so glad to see Glenn's doughy face when the show finally comes back on, I mean anything's better than watching a vampire like Liddy trying to sell me on gold; that's enough to sober anyone up. Out of the break Beck plays a clip of President Obama repudiating former President Jimmy Carter's contention that much of the criticism as of late is based on racism. In response to this Glenn says, "Good, thank you," as if Obama were talking directly to him. Then I start to wonder does this loon actually believe that he is interviewing the President? Maybe he likes to have a little whisky during his show too! Or maybe he's just a really emotional guy because next Glenn's voice gets all soft, and his eyes get that misty on the verge of tears look and he starts to profess how much he loves this country and how he is scared that Obama is going to fundamentally change the entire system; which brings us back to our Axis of Evil from earlier. You see it's this "Coalition," as Beck likes to call it, that will allow Obama to bring about a, "Re-Distribution," of wealth. So we better watch the fuck out and invest in Gold like Liddy says before Obama, ACORN, and Van Jones take all of our money! And not only do these commie bastards want all of our money; they want to take over what Glenn calls, "the best health care system in the world." Don't believe we have the best health care in the world? Just listen to these glowing reviews he gave our health care system when he had surgery in 2008: "phenomenally bad," and one of the, "darker moments in my life." It was so good that he claimed he even became, "suicidal." Our current health care system has flaws yes, but it's still the best in the world, even if it makes you want to kill yourself. Just when I think Beck cannot possibly top himself he really puts the icing on the cake by exonerating Joe Wilson (R-SC). In a speech to a joint session of congress President Obama stated that his health care plan would not insure illegal immigrants and Congressman Wilson Shouted out, "You lie!" on live television. Wilson was later ridiculed by both parties but then the President made the mistake of calling for immigration reform which in Glenn Beck's tiny mind is tantamount to flat out amnesty; ergo Wilson was right. The President is a dirty liar!

Glenn goes on a bit of a rant now; scolding the President for treating us like "morons" and how he needs to stop listening to "the media, the celebrities and the elite!" Obama might be taking cues from the elite, and that may or may not be a bad thing, depending on your definition of "the elite" but I don't think he's getting advice from Angelina Jolie and Wolf Blitzer. Well maybe he's getting advice from Blitzer's beard but that's it. As for treating us like morons, well here's the thing; every night these pundits and so called journalists make outrageous claims about the President and he is forced to defend himself from their absurd accusations. Beck himself has implied on more than one occasion that the President is a socialist and even a racist, and these are the least of the crazy things that are said about him. Don't even get me started on the Death Panels and the Birthers. Look, this is going to be tough for you to hear America but If you believe half of what comes out of someone like Glenn Beck's mouth, YOU ARE A MORON, and you should be treated accordingly. But it's not entirely your fault, Beck can be pretty manipulative, in fact I feel a little more stupid myself after watching him for an hour. Wait, has it been an hour? Sweet Christ I can't believe I made it through the entire show! Well if this isn't an excuse to have a drink I don't know what is but to my horror I've found my bottle of Crown is bone dry! Not only has Glenn raped me emotionally and intellectually for the past hour; the bastard made me drink all my booze! Oh God, Liddy is back and this time he's pimping Cialis, I gotta get to the liquor store!

Perception VS Fact in U.S. Policy

From the battle over health care reform to the U.S boycotting the U.N racism conference; why is it that U.S. policy is continuously shaped by the public perception of things rather than actual facts? Last April the United Nations held its second World Conference on Racism and the United States boycotted the event because it was perceived as anti-Semitic. Now how, you may ask, could an event specifically targeted to combat racism be itself racist? Well most of it has to do with the first conference held in Durban, South Africa of 2001. The controversy started at the Non-Government Organization forum where the Arab Lawyers Union handed out a pamphlet depicting Jews with bloody fangs and hook noses. The NGO forum and it's participants are in no way affiliated with the U.N. and it's members; civil gatherings such as these, whether or not they're participants act civil, are standard operating procedure at something like the Durban conference. The resulting Manifesto that came out of the NGO forum was a detestable document that equated Zionism with racism and those sympathetic to Israel, or those simply with a heart beating in their chest, should have been disgusted by it; which is why the U.N. condemned the NGO forum and did not allow one to take place at the second conference known as Durban II. So just to re-cap, U.N. not racist; some people at an event that does not represent the views of the U.N., racist. End of story right? Wrong. Long after Durban I critics still claimed that the conference was an anti-Semitic hate-fest. Here are a few excerpts from the Declaration that resulted from the first conference:

Paragraph 63: We are concerned about the plight of the Palestinian people under foreign occupation. We recognize the inalienable right of the Palestinian people to self-determination and to the establishment of and independent State and we recognize the right of security for all States in the region including Israel, and call upon all States to support the peace process and bring it to an early conclusion.

Paragraph 61: We recognize with deep concern the increase in anti-Semitism and Islamophobia in various parts of the world, as well as the emergence of racial and violent movements based on racism and discriminatory ideas against Jewish, Muslim, and Arab communities.

Paragraph 58: We recall that the Holocaust must never be forgotten.

Do any of the above statements sound like the ravings of discriminatory lunatics? Of course not. What's even more puzzling is that Israeli foreign minister Shimon Peres praised the Durban Declaration as "an accomplishment of the first order for Israel." Then why has the U.S. Government and the public at large perceived the Durban conference's to be a hot bed for bigotry when the facts clearly do not back up that perception?

This phenomenon of allowing perception to trump facts is prevalent in U.S. domestic policy as well. Take for example the, "Deather," movement that was spawned from a benign portion of the Democrats health care proposal. The End of Life Counseling Provision would be a completely voluntary process that would assist seniors in choosing or refusing certain types of health care and other decisions that we all have to make at the end of our lives. Critics, most notably Sara Palin, have managed to twist this into some sort of government mandated euthanasia program. The perception in the mind of the public that President Obama was creating "Death Panels" would soon lead the Democrats to remove the End of Life Counseling provision from the bill.

If these trends continue, what's next? Will Obama cave to the "Birthers?" It seems ridiculous but the very notion that a movement such as the Birther's can catch on is just as ludicrous as the idea that the president would appease these nut cases by admitting that he is in fact not an American citizen! Or perhaps President Bush will finally admit to the "Truthers" that yes, he was in fact behind 9/11! How does this stuff catch on? Are Americans that stupid? Is it the media that fans the flames on these seemingly fringe movements that become more mainstream everyday? I think a case can be made for both arguments. One things for certain though; allowing perceptions rather than facts rule our lives has already cost us what could have been an important moment in battling racism the world over as well as an important measure in health care reform. Until the citizens in this country start dealing in FACTS and demand that their leaders do the same we will continue to make the same mistakes in the future.

Blood Lust At The Civic Center

On August 31, 2009 Congressman Phil Gingrey from the 11th District of Georgia held a town hall meeting to discuss health care reform. Here's, more or less, what happened:

Upon entering the Cobb Civic Center I knew I was a pilgrim in a strange land. I was immediately flanked by a pretty little republican with an Anti-Obama care leaflet, "We're collecting 100,000 signatures to oppose Obama's health care proposal that we plan to hand deliver to Nancy Pelosi," she cried. I politely told her thanks but no thanks and then entered the civic center where the blood lust in the air was palpable. After the obligatory invocation by a local minister, Congressman Phil Gingrey took the stage and was greeted by the crowd like a rock star. Gingrey looks as if he came off an assembly line from a factory that manufactures politicians. He comes complete with a beautifully fitted suit, capped teeth, and a charming southern accent. The crowd from Georgia's 11th district, "The Fighting 11th!" is predominantly Republican so the night was going to be a home run for Gingrey and he knew it. First to wet the crowds appetite for the liberal blood letting to come, a short propaganda film was shown. It was a sloppy piece of work basically comparing the current fight for health care reform to the failed efforts by the Clinton administration in the 90's, better known as "Hillary Care." I don't know that the film had the effect on me that Gingrey was going for but it did serve to remind me that only the Democrats could control the House, Senate, and The White House, and still fuck this thing up.

Next came the Q&A from the audience. From the woman with the pace maker who was afraid that the democrats would not replace her battery to the man who was sure that a public health care plan would disproportionately benefit criminals, it was immediately apparent to me that the Fear had taken hold of these people; and Gingrey feed on that fear like a leach sucking on a bloody wound. Under a government run plan he warned that there would be a "rationing" of care and he also spoke of the dangers of having a government bureaucrat between you and your doctor, which is apparently worse than a bureaucrat at Cigna. Then came the End of Life Counseling provision in the health care bill which is in fact a ploy to pull the plug on Grandma! Well not really. First of all someone should remind the Congressman that this particular provision has been removed from the bill. Secondly it is not in fact a "Death Panel" but simply requires medicare to pay for VOLUNTARY end of life counseling sessions for seniors and the ailing to plan for end of life medical care. The counseling sessions would cover things such as choosing a hospice and a patients right to CHOOSE or refuse certain types of treatment. It it no way enforces euthanasia and to suggest so is a total misrepresentation of the facts. But all this is besides the point point because it's not in the bill anymore! What's sad is that the bill is probably worse for seniors now but what's even more sad is that the people of the 11th district of Georgia are stupid enough to believe this crap coming from a walking Ken doll like Gingrey!

Gingrey rounded out the night with some general Obama bashing and lashed out at the rest of the Democrats for being more focused on suing the CIA than working to refrom health care, or something to that effect. My mind gets a little fuzzy here; for at this point in the evening the Fear and stupidity in the air was formidable and I started to realize my God these people are right! The Democrats really are bunch of fag loving, God hating, pinko commies who want to kill my Granny with socialized medicine! Well to hell with that! I stood up from my chair and yelled at the top of my lungs, "Phil please save us from these Satan worshiping baby killers!" The crowd roared with applause and before I knew it they had hoisted me off my feet and were carrying me out of the civic center. I felt like Julius Caesar returning victoriously to Rome.

When I came to the next morning my lady friend informed that something had come over me at the town hall meeting. Apparently during the Q & A session I began ranting and raving like a lunatic, even speaking in tongues at one point. The police had to remove me by force! I told her no, she must be mistaken. I had seen the light. I finally realized what Obama was up to. "What's that?" she asked.

"Well it's quite simple actually. The Democrats have an evil plan to destroy the country with socialized medicine. That want to kill my Granny!"

"Chris both your Grandparents are dead," she said.

"They have death panels!" I pleaded.

"That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard."

"Now that you mention it, it does seem kind of stupid."

Sweet Jesus I hadn't seen the light at all! I was simply drunk off all the Fear and stupidity in the air that night. Ah but it felt so good to just give in. To throw out things like logic and reason and just totally embrace, well, ignorance. I guess Orwell was right, it really is bliss.